You're completely useless in the revolution.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
