it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
