Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
