Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
