the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
