Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish I could teleport
just come out here and I will go home with you...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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