Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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