i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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