I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
