Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got inside last night via doggy door
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
