20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
