I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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