yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
