So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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