I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The ass gains better be worth it
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