Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
