do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
