Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
