Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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