You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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