I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize