I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
