I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
