He kissed a someone with a penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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