Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
