and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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