she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
