Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
