Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
