i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
