he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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