There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wear drunk well.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
