i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
