I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
