Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They took my balls.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
