oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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