Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
