i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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