if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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