I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
