I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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