My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
