I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
