Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
