five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
