He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
