Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
