Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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