some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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