I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
