Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
