So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
