Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
