just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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