Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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