I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
