I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
