It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I could fuck to npr.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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