So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
