Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
