He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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