watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
