But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
