first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
