I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
