Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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