dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
there was a trapeze. enough said
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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