dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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