I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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