I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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