you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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